Sunday, November 23, 2014


If you've ever lived in or around Nashville long enough, then you know that there is more to this unique city than country music and the seriously committed Elvis impersonator. Nay, Nashville has a language all to its own. 

A few weeks ago I was venturing into the Nashville community again after 3 years of almost exclusively working with clients out of state. In less than one week I was worn out with all the uber-religious language that naturally weaves in and out of transactional language (believer and sub-par-believer alike). On a couple of occasions I was actually dumbfounded at how to steer the conversation back on business-course. And rarely am I tongue-tied.

Mulling over these expressions (this morning), I thought I would try my hand at defining a few of these idioms and giving them... almost accurate illustrations. While I recognize that these terms have other more legitimate meanings, I've listed 13 examples below that represent ACTUAL conversations I've had. Enjoy:

1. hey, broth·er! [/ˈhā brəT͟Hər/] exclamation

a. a title intended to disarm into compliance a male professional of normal logic and intuition or an expression used as a precursor to an outrageous request. 
  • Hey, brother! You're such an encouragement to me which also can mean I can't think of any specific way you have helped me, but you have assets I want to reserve now in case I need them in the future. That's why I'm being nice to you! or Hey, brother! We should do coffee sometime which also can mean I need thousands of dollars of your free, professional advice because I've gotten myself into a major marital, legal, or financial bind. 
2. covet [/ˈkəvət/] verb

a. Hyperbole indicating material lust or strong, sexual desire, but in this sense directed towards a spiritual end.
  • More than your money, I covet your prayers which also can mean Did I not make it clear the first time that I'm asking you for money? or You owe me money or something because I am very spiritual and to be admired or I'm in dire straits and YOU are the answer to my prayer.

3. root of bitterness [/ˈro͞ot əv bidərnəs/] noun phrase

a. An historical fact of injustice that under normal circumstances is legally actionable but in the case of the spiritual reputation of a figurehead or community is, like a root, buried. 
  • Don't listen to anything that person says because it comes from a root of bitterness which also can mean That person knows too much and can ruin us. If you listen to that person or associate with him or her in any way, then consider yourself dead to me or, at the minimum, fired.

4. praise the Lord [/'prāz T͟Hē lôrd/] interjection

a. a non sequitor that indicates nervousness, frivolity of conversation, or an unwillingness to communicate clearly.
  • Well, praise the Lord! It's so good to see you which also can mean I have nothing of importance to say to you or I'm not going to give you the answer you want and I'm too cowardly to tell you. But at least I'm being so friendly about it that you have no idea what in the world just happened. 

5. the Bible says [/'T͟Hē bībəl sez/] sentence fragment

a. Prefatory to an argument to indicate that no more discussion is to follow.
  • I know that you have issues with such-and-such a person or organization, but the Bible says that talking about others is sin which also can mean Shut your mouth or If you know what's good for you, then shut your mouth.

6. in the name of Jesus [/'in 'T͟Hē nām əv jee-zuhs/] prepositional phrase

a. An invocation that means whatever follows is not to be challenged under any circumstance. 
  • I rebuke that evil spirit in the name of Jesus which also can mean I have no interest in listening to any critique because it might be legitimate, making me feel bad about myself and ruining my day.

7. for the glory of God [/'fôr T͟Hē ɡlôrē əv ɡäd/] prepositional phrase

a. An indicator that the highest of intentions is meant.
  • We need to confront those lies for the glory of God which also can mean If we need to character assassinate or alter the truth to annihilate our opposition then it's permissible because we're special and to be considered untouchable. Kind of like God.

8. anointed [/'əˈnoint id/] adjective

a. Off limits
  • I received an anointed word that I need to quit taking my medication which also can mean I'm naturally oppositional and don't like taking medication or taking doctor's orders, or paying my debts, or listening to the government, so screw that crap.

9. God told me [/'ɡäd tōld mē/] fragment

a.  An admission of deification where the individual was privately revealed information for which s/he has no proof &, therefore, conversation about it is of no use.
  • God told me that he will prosper us because we've been persecuted for so long and our day is coming which can also mean We've been buttholes to people for so long that everybody hates us. Things have gotten so bad that something HAS to get better or we're done for. Don't leave us hanging, or we might end up in jail alone

10. Christ-centered [/'krīst sen(t)ərd/] adjective

a. Often a special modifier or ruse to eliminate questioning about the normal flow of cause-and-effect surrounding the topic at hand.
  • Our business offers a Christ-centered service even though we are a start-up which can also mean Even though we have no interest in anything but minimal compliance (because the government sucks) and even though we have a high turnover rate of clients (because clients suck), at least we have the freedom to talk about Jesus while we are working (even though we probably should be working).

11. serving the Lord [/'sərviNG/ T͟Hē lôrd/] verb phrase

a. an expression that means whatever an individual is doing is right and not up for discussion.
  • We need to be busy serving the Lord instead of living like the world which can also mean Whatever normal people are doing, we don't have to be doing because we're special and they are all idiots. 

12. child-like spirit [/'CHīl(d)līk spirit/] noun phrase

a. Having the quality of ignorance and trust of an infant.
  • I like her because of her child-like spirit which can also mean She lets me touch her boobs, and ask her forgiveness, touch her boobs again, and ask her forgiveness AGAIN, ad infinitum!

13. answer to prayer [/'ansər/ to͞o prer/] noun phrase

a. Getting what one wants.
  • That thunderstorm was really an answer to prayer which can also mean I didn't know how I was going to meet all of my work done today, but then one of my customers had to go to the emergency room, so I had four hours free to catch up on work!
You get the point...


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